At 19, Donelle Gunson lost her mother, and almost 28 years later, she still thinks about her every day

At 19, Donelle Gunson lost her mother, and almost 28 years later, she still thinks about her every day. She is one of 1.2 million Australian daughters who have lost their mother before the age of 44, and is now bracing to go through another Mother’s Day without her mum. Now living in Roelands, Donelle said she has fond memories with her mother Leanne, the wife of a Wokalup dairy farmer. She remembered her mother as a creative — a trait she said has been passed on to her. “I remember sitting in the sewing room with my mum, watching her create and make things,” Donelle said. “She was a very cool and calm lady, until once a year she’s lose her cool and boy — watch out.” A car accident took Leanne from Donelle, leaving her to do the “big adult things” without guidance. “It’s very tricky to do when you don’t have a mum and you don’t have external support,” she said. Donelle said plenty of things reminded her of Leanne, from specific songs on the radio to chats with a friend. With Mother’s Day this weekend, Donelle is seeing more and more reminders of her treasured matriarch every day, and while she plans to spend the day with her own children, she said it was hard not having her own mother there to celebrate. “When you’re out and about and you see other women shopping with their mums and having lunch with their mums, you feel a bit jealous, and you feel a bit sad,” she said. When a friend lost their mother and Donelle was able to share her experience to help with the grief, she was introduced to Motherless Daughters Australia. “It’s a club that you don’t ever want to join,” Donelle said. “But, when you’re in a room full of other people, they just hold space for you, they know how you feel, they’ve been there, they get it.” MDA co-founder and executive office Danielle Snelling said grief was an “invisible wound” bereaved daughters carried in silence with more needed to be done to normalise the feelings. “Grief is a deeply personal and natural experience, and a journey that everyone will go through and eventually learn to adjust to,” she said. “Thousands of discussions within our community of over 47,000 has shown us that family, friends and colleagues frequently avoid discussing the topic of grief due to discomfort or a lack of understanding. “Feelings of isolation or frustration may be compounded for grieving daughters when friends, family and colleagues fail to provide empathetic support during the grieving process. A lack of support and understanding can also lead to people internalising their grief, which can negatively impact mental health.” Mrs Snelling said Mother’s Day was a time to normalise talking about loss because avoiding the topic doesn’t make it “go away”. “People can support those who are grieving their mum by acknowledging their mother’s absence, asking them to share a story, or even just sending them a text to let them know you’re thinking about them,” she said. “With three quarters of grieving daughters seeking mental health support following their loss, we as a community need to normalise the fact that one of the most helpful ways to live with grief is to talk about it.” Donelle said being able to talk to others in a similar boat had helped her. “It’s really important for other women to be able to connect and to know that we’re not alone,” she said. “Grief is tough and it’s a hard thing to go through alone.” MDA has a list of conversation starters so people can have informed conversations with those who are grieving which can be accessed on its website.

At 19, Donelle Gunson lost her mother, and almost 28 years later, she still thinks about her every day

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