Albany vigil breaks the silence on World Suicide Prevention Day

“Some days are better than others and there are less tears with time. You’ll have moments when a smell, a thought, a date or an experience will hit you in the heart and take you back in time as if it was yesterday. But you will learn to cherish these moments.” Those were the words of Albany’s Vanessa Kay, who bravely shared her family’s story at the From Darkness to Light candlelight vigil at Albany Town Square last Thursday. Organised by the Great Southern Suicide Prevention Advisory Group, the second annual vigil brought together members of the community to honour the memory of loved ones and break the silence around suicide. In the Great Southern, suicide was the leading cause of death for people aged 15-24 in the region from 2006-2015. In that same period, the male youth suicide rate in the region was 1.8 times higher than the Statewide rate. Standing in front of a crowd illuminated by candlelight on World Suicide Prevention Day, Ms Kay spoke about how she helped her two young sons cope with the loss of their father, Winston, to suicide in 2015. “It turned our lives upside down — we were blindsided,” she said. “My boys were six and eight at the time and it felt like we were transported to a different reality. Nothing seemed real and I felt like the person who was inhabiting this body was a robot with one button pushed and that was to function.” At the time, she knew nothing about mental health and had not met many people who had walked the same path. But Ms Kay said speaking openly about the loss of her husband with her two boys had helped them heal. “We had to share this pain together to try and piece back our lives even when we didn’t understand it and most likely never will,” she said. “Too many things are buried or shut down if too hard to talk about. You can’t catch suicide but the fear around the conversation is very real and the lack of conversation perpetuates the stigma. “With time we’ve learnt to walk hand-in-hand with death. “There is no time limit to heal and it will be with us for the rest of our lives. I loved him deeply and still do. “I feel my boys will be light-bearers in the future. They know that vulnerability is not a weakness, but a strength and when you can be authentic with your feelings and share them, you are being brave, not weak.” After Ms Kay’s heartfelt speech, the crowd took part in a traditional cleansing smoking ceremony led by Noongar man Ken Kelly. In the crowd was Janis Sell, holding back tears as she clutched a photo of her niece, Shannon. Supported by her mother, Betty, the pair paid tribute to Shannon, a beautiful and bubbly mother of two who took her life in June last year aged 22. “We want to make sure that Shannon’s death isn’t in vain,” she said. “Too many young people are losing their lives to suicide. “By us showing some solidarity here we can support each other and come together as a community.” For others reeling from the loss of a loved one to suicide, Ms Sell had one thing to say — be kind to yourself. “Please reach out for help when you feel you need it because there is a lot of support,” she said. Vigil speaker Maryanne Johns said she felt compelled to share her story to help others move forward in the wake of suicide, something she had to navigate after losing her father. “He was always so strong. I have to credit him for my strength today,” she said. “It can be easy to go down a rabbit hole of looking for answers and to lay blame on yourself or others. “It took me a long time to realise that asking the ‘what-ifs’ and ‘if only’ doesn’t change anything. And there is a bittersweet ending to it. “I now have the power to help others because I have experienced this.” Albany headspace manager Andrew Wenzel reminded people how prevalent suicide is among young men. Four times as many men as women take their lives in WA. Mr Wenzel said men often felt the pressure of unrealistic expectations to be “strong, silent and self-sufficient”. “The sooner that we can acknowledge that there is strength in showing vulnerability and that men can talk about their feelings without being perceived as weak, the sooner we will start to change that statistic,” he said. Lifeline 13 11 14