Home and Away recap: The Bachelor rose ceremony stalker, and special guest Sam Mac

Hello loyal fans. I’m well aware the frequency of my recaps has dwindled in recent months. I did watch Tori and Budget McDreamy’s wedding, but generally I have no idea what’s going on. But I thought it’d be fun to watch another disaster and pick it apart.

Now before I get into the juicy bits, I’ll give me very ill informed two cents on the Parata family.

The episode opens with Jasmine giving Tane (and his arms) the stank eye. Actually everyone’s avoiding Tane for that matter.

I really haven’t watched any of the stalking bit. Do Tane and Felicity think they’re both the victim of each other’s stalking?

Bella and Nikau wander by (they appear to be on good terms and I’m not sorry I missed them reconcile). They’re chatting about Mia and Ari’s appeal.

“I can’t believe their application got denied,” Nikau says.

I’m assuming this is in relation to adopting a child but I mean, it hardly comes as a shock that having a criminal record impedes your ability to adopt a child.

Good to see Nik is still as naive as he was before he slept with his modelling agent.

Anyway, Bella has a treat for Nik…she gets him a bed?

“I think I’m going to enjoy spending a lot of time here,” Nik says.

“There’s even space between us!”

Have these poor teens been sleeping in a single bed together and clinging onto each other for dear life. Well that’s a bit dramatic even for me but anyone who has shared a single bed knows you have to very closely spoon the little spoon so you don’t roll out.

I’m sure they’ll be very happy together in Colby’s old room. Someone will have to enlighten me as to who booted Bella from her old room.

Back at the Surf Club/ John’s juice area and Cash Newman, the hot cop, comes up to Tane and serves him an AVO.

Now I have missed out on all this Summer Bay stalker stuff but even I know (well not officially) that Tane isn’t Felicity’s stalker.

Jas and Felicity appear to be besties and deliver yet another stank eye while Tane is served, by Felicity’s brother no less.

Then many people sit around consoling Felicity because she has the audacity to be upset.

Anyway it’s Summer Bay’s night of nights. Everyone is dressed up, the champagne is free flowing, not for Irene though.

However Martha, who is the very reason this entire black tie do is happening, has disappeared.

The Stewart family talk about finding her but they clearly don’t look very hard because it’s now dark and the gala event is starting.

Alf finds Martha sitting on a park bench not that far from her house so everyone’s attempt at looking for her were pretty abysmal.

“Oh Alf I’ve made a mess of everything,” Martha says.

“There’s a bunch of tarted galah’s out there,” Alf replies.

Back at Martha’s charity fundraiser for mental health, everyone is swooning over Sam Mac the weather man, the evening’s VIP guest.

All the men (well Cash and Justin) are gawking at their significant others. Like it’s nice that they appreciate the effort they went to getting ready for a black tie event. But seriously keep it in your pants

“You could ask me to do anything right now and I’d say yes,” Justin says. I just find him unbearably pathetic so anything he says would get the same reaction from him.

Then he makes a weather joke.

“Things are hotting up in here,” Justin says referring to Sam Mac the weather man.

Literally moments later Leah feels the same way I do about Justin.

He suggests turning grace’s room into a nursery.

This upsets Leah very much and they spend the rest of the evening fighting outside but no one really notices at this stage because Martha has arrived and tears up during the speech.

Alf steps in, Sam Mac presents a big cheque and the night is declared a huge success.

While all this is going on, some anonymous criminal is plotting Tane’s murder which got me thinking about how many attempts on people’s lives there has been this year alone.

It’s all dark and someone wearing black gloves so that they don’t get any of their DNA strewn all over the place, sneaks into the gym where Tane is being a dedicated worker and laces a drink bottle with some kind of white powder.

The anonymous human swaps it with Tane’s existing drink bottle.

Tane drinks it.

He gets a bit sweaty so he drinks more.

The producers go all out with the effects, slow motions, whirring music, heartbeat getting louder and louder to build suspense.

Then he collapses.

Then some kind of ominous Bachelor rose ceremony stalker carefully places a long stem red rose on his body and escapes before gas is released into gym through the air vents.

I have no idea who the stalker is but Sam Mac already assured me it wasn’t him.

But they must be fairly well off because roses aren’t cheap. Or maybe they have a side hustle as a florist or maybe it’s the baddies he pissed off when he lost a van full of drugs.

We probably won’t find out until next year because this show loves a slow reveal.

I’ll be back tomorrow night to watch the aftermath.